Learning to Say 'I Love You': A Young Man on Breaking the Habit

Some of the bravest things said on a microphone aren't dramatic. They're quiet admissions about ordinary life. Cayden Ryan's is about three words.

A habit, not a coldness

In Cayden's family, "I love you" just wasn't said. Not out of any lack of love — he's careful about that — but as a matter of habit. It simply wasn't the language the household spoke.

He tells a small, telling story. His brother, a few drinks in one night, came up and hugged him and said it. And Cayden froze. "I didn't know how to react," he admits. He laughed it off.

Wanting to be better

What makes the moment land is that he doesn't leave it there. He names exactly what he wants to change:

"I think I'm sort of breaking… not a persona — it's more of a habit. But it's a habit I don't want to be in. I want to be better."

"Better," for Cayden, isn't abstract. It's specific and outward-facing: he wants to be the safe place his younger brothers can come to. "If people want to express something, then they can." He's noticed that he expresses things more easily with mates than with family, and he wants to close that gap at home.

Why this matters

For a 23-year-old miner — someone the world expects to be all hard edges — to say I want to be the person my brothers can open up to is genuinely brave. It cuts against every stereotype about young blokes and feelings.

It's also a reminder that emotional habits are exactly that: habits. They can be unlearned and rebuilt, the same way any other habit can — by noticing it, naming it, and choosing differently the next time. Cayden's halfway through that work, out loud, which is more than most people ever do.

If there's a takeaway here, it's small and worth keeping: it costs almost nothing to tell the people close to you that they matter — and the longer it's gone unsaid, the more it's worth starting.

Part of a longer conversation. Read the full Cayden Ryan deep-dive, or watch the episode →.